Brambles, Traps and Obstacles

Essay #5 of Samsara the Goddess

Samsara is not a place, she is a Goddess and you are her!

This post builds on ideas from:
Essay #1, The Two Natures
Essay #2, The Superpowers of Samsara
Essay #3, The Tragedy of Samsara
Essay #4, Obscuration and Blindness

Introduction

The Dharma path is littered with obstacles. This essay is a grab bag of traps and hindrances that block the realization of Emptiness.

We’ll begin by looking at how we sabotage our own journey to bliss. As Gelug Mahayana practitioners we certainly are smarty-pants, so next we’ll explore how knowledge can bite us in the ass. Finally, we examine how subduing the Goddess is like going one-on-one with Godzilla.

For some reason I must list all the obstacles, before I get to the fun stuff about Emptiness and practice. I’m trying to finish ‘obstacles’ as quickly as possible. One more ‘obstacle’ essay is left after this one. I’m not really in control of the writing process. I pray it benefits some sentient beings.

Boiler plate stuff →→

These essays present an understanding of Dharma tailored to Westerners and smartphone addicts. While this perspective does not contradict a traditional understanding, it omits two ideas that often mystify Westerners: reincarnation and karma. Instead, it approaches the Buddhist path through a framework of Basic Human Needs, inspired by Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communications.

There are many understandings. This is just another one. Any understanding of Dharma that’s worth it’s salt leaves one calmly, firmly, on the doorstep of Practice. I hope to achieve that goal.

1. Fooling Ourselves

Yep. It could happen.

Grasping for something we’ve already got

We want it so badly — Enlightenment! And the craving can blow our Dharma journey right out of the water.

Here’s how the Goddess Samsara sees Mahayana Dharma path: We’ll be super happy and all our Basic Human Needs will be met, if we work through thousands of Dharma steps and stages, over countless lifetimes. The Path includes mindfulness, Insights, preparatory practices, gurus, Perfections, books, empowerments, Bodhisattva vows, Sutra, Tantra, and bhumi after bhumi, on to Arhat-hood, finally arriving at Ultimate Bodhicitta and Buddhahood.

Sounds fun. Like an airport in the middle of Disney Land where you have to ride all the rides before getting on the plane.

Now, here’s how somebody else sees the Dharma path.

YOU ALREADY POSSESS BUDDHA NATURE. You’re already there!!! But, your Buddha Nature is obscured. So we practice, bit by bit removing the obscuration. There is no single goal or thing to grasp. (F**k Enlightenment. Yes.) As we practice, obscuration dims, fueling the radiance of Wisdom, Clear-light and Bodhicitta. Which radiance, by the way, shines all over the place, including on every sentient being in the vicinity.

Mistaking the memory for the jewel

It’s like we have two modes of action. One involves acting with an awareness of the present moment. The other involves acting in a mechanical, distracted manner (like ‘getting things done’). Let’s call the first mode ‘mindful action’, and the second mode ‘mindless action’.

The Goddess Samsara prefers mindless action. It enables her to quickly identify things by checking the Inner Library. You can practically do mindless action with your eyes closed, while thinking about something else. Getting into mindful action requires extra work, in the form of concentration or enduring some significant stress.

When a mindful action turns out be useful for meeting needs, Samsara saves the elements of the action in the Inner Library. Henceforth, that mindful action can be repeated, but as a mindless action. We turn mindful actions into mindless actions because they take way less attention and energy.

When, in the course of mindful action like meditation, we have a Dharma Insight, the Goddess goes “Hey, it was profound so it probably met some needs!” And she saves the real world elements into her Inner Library.

Later, if we want to repeat that Insight, Samsara retrieves the real world information she saved, and we attempt to repeat the Insight as a mindless action. We do this by arranging our real world, according to Samsara’s saved information: same place, same words, same feelings, same intention, etc.

Of course the process fails. The Insight was mindful and arose out of a long-gone present moment (from the past).

We respond to the failure by hammering away at arranging our real world according to ‘same place, same words, same intention’ etc. People waste YEARS YEARS YEARS trying to resurrect transcendental experiences in this way.

I wasted weeks trying to revive a cool Insight. Finally, I realized the mistake I was making. So instead of trying to recreate the Insight, I tried to recall how I approached that previous present moment, when the Insight happened.

That sort of worked. But it’s difficult. Suppose I had a previous insight into the Emptiness of suffering. Today I feel depressed so I think I’ll recreate that Insight. To do that I must let go of the memory, and focus mindfully on the present. That means becoming present to the feelings of depression. And that ain’t what I want to do. I want to escape those feelings. So no Insight.

I still find myself making this mistake, like all the time. I try and FAIL to resurrect some cool moment of practice. And the solution is always the same: forget the memory, and focus on the current present moment.

Which brings up an interesting question. Can you ever repeat a Dharma Insight? I don’t think so.

When we think someone else can do it for us

I can’t prove that you have to do it for yourself. In fact, you can’t do it for your self. But neither can anyone else (do it for you).

Enough gibberish. I’m 72 years old. I’ve wandered quite a bit. Many seekers have I met. Most make progress like flotsam bobbing around in the waves.

Not me. Why? Because I have chosen to accept TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY for my Dharma journey. Total. That means: if I meditate for an hour and have not detected even a scent of Insight, I CHANGE MY METHOD OF MEDITATION!!!!! I change it a little bit, or a lot. I try something different.

Same with books. Same with teachers. Same with practices.

For god’s sake. We’re swimming around in an ocean of that damn nectar (it’s thick and pink like Pepto-Bismol). If you’re not getting any, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Take the bull by the horns. Experiment! Explore! Try something different!

2. Knowledge Obscures Insight!!!

Knowledge is realm of things and forms in the Inner Library.

Insight is where we plunge briefly into the luminous void, and allow it to shape and color the stories we tell ourselves.

Knowledge Is NOT Insight; It’s like the difference between knowing all about pole vaulting, and actually launching yourself into the air on a pole. Insight arises from the present moment. Knowledge arises from the Inner Library. All the knowledge in world, in and of itself, it will not bring us Insight.

Here are three different scenarios where Knowledge actually obscures Insight:

When knowledge masquerades as Insight

Knowledge of the Dharma is so very beautiful. It covers millennia of selfless scholars, poets, artists and seekers, studying like crazy; trying to understand Enlightenment and map out pathways to Emptiness, Renunciation, and Bodhicitta.

Engaging with this knowledge through study and teaching, fulfills many Basic Human Needs. It meets needs for respect, community, appreciation, purpose, esteem, and recognition. Above all, these scholars make a fabulous contribution to humanity.

It seems obvious, that acquiring a deep knowledge of Dharma would propel one along the Dharma path. And it does, sort of.

Studying visual arts and the works of the masters, does not prepare an artist to create a masterpiece. How unfortunate. It doesn’t work that way.

Music students spend years to learning how Mozart created his transcendent compositions. After they’ve received their degrees, can the students write their own transcendent compositions? Generally no. If yes, it’s not because of their vast musical knowledge.

Do the scholars and masters of Dharma knowledge realize Emptiness and Ultimate Bodhicitta in their lifetime? Usually no. If yes, it’s not because of their Dharma knowledge. (Perhaps a bitter pill to swallow.)

The knowledge of Dharma is so beautiful. It seems like a perfect vehicle. It gives the impression that Enlightenment can be grasped, if we just study long enough and hard enough. Unfortunately, knowledge can only hint at true Insight. And the journey to knowledge can drain precious energy needed for the arduous, solitary, and deeply personal Dharma journey.

The mechanics of perception

The luminous void is always shifting and changing; it’s called Impermanence! Because of all the shifting and changing, it’s difficult for the Goddess to identify the things which surround her.

Say, we encounter a tree. That tree actually has a thousand different appearances: how it looks from every angle, every distance, every season, every weather condition, from sapling to ancient, not to mention every different specie. It’s a monumental task sorting through the possibilities and figuring out that it’s a tree.

As the Goddess labors trying to make sense of the luminous void, she desperately seeks to recognize known things from the Inner Library. It’s such a monumental task that unknown forms, like unrealized Nirvana, or the little alien sitting under the coffee table, get passed over unnoticed.

And it gets worse. As we mature, we learn more and more. Our Inner Library grows. So we can spend even more of our time meeting our needs with mindless actions. The result is that we dig ourselves into a rut of the things which we know. The rut gets deeper and deeper. Fabulous Insights may be all over the place, waiting to picked like berries, but we won’t see them.

I’ve described this process in terms of trees, but it works the same with Dharma knowledge. It’s easy and natural to get stuck in a knowledge rut (furthering mindless thinking) and it’s difficult to escape from it.

Moment to moment, in meditation

Here's the bottom line.
In concentrated meditation 
Knowledge and Insight sit side by side, 
Struggling, attempting to rule one another. 
Insight cries out for freedom and an end to suffering. 
Knowledge, reluctant and ruthless,
Tries to blindfold and gag Insight.
But Insight can't give up; that's impossible.
Pervasive suffering (usually hidden) becomes visible 
Like the sting of a fresh wound.
And the secret, kept even from ourselves? 
This is the reason practice is so difficult.

3. The Goddess of Steel

Samsara is more than a monkey on our back, she’s a 400 pound gorilla.

Her tools for motivation are irresistible.

When The Goddess says jump, we jump. That’s how we are wired. It’s very difficult to change that wiring.

We desire ‘good’ things, for a ‘good’ reason, which we believe will feel ‘good’. How could that be a delusion? I ask you, how could you possibly refuse?

We hate ‘bad’ things because ‘bad’ things are ‘bad’. What could be more virtuous than rejecting ‘bad’ things. If all ‘bad’ things were destroyed, we’d be in heaven, right?

We have a self. Period. You may not be able to find it, BUT IT’S THERE. Maybe it’s hiding in the bushes. If the Goddess says to do such and such or you might die, well, are you going to ignore this?

And finally, who in their right mind would EMBRACE suffering, or reject HAPPINESS. (Only me.)

Samsara’s motivations are reflexive, like your leg kicking when the doctor dings your knee. They’re as habitual as taking the next breath.

So maybe we ought to slow down and take a closer look, at judgments, self, and suffering. Maybe there’s something to notice, before we get washed away in a flood of reflexive behavior. STOP!

Nope. We’re like a zombies chasing brains. Are you, zombie, going to ask the doctor for a cure, or go for their brains? You know the answer.

Her delusions are impenetrable.

Buddhism says that I’m a delusion. And everything in the real world is a delusion. Do I care? No, because the real world is all there is. There’s nothing else. It’s not like we’re saying ‘blue’ is a delusion, it’s actually ‘green’. That I could deal with. What we’re saying is, forget about reality. Forget about existence. Come on!

Let’s get down to brass tacks here. Let’s discuss your wiener (or whatever). At some point during your childhood somebody pointed it out, or the Goddess figured out. And BOOM, suddenly there it was. And it worked. And you can grab it. It’s not some spiritual insight or logical conclusion. It’s real and it’s useful. Is that what Buddhism means by ‘delusion’?

When the Goddess learns or discovers a new thing, it instantly becomes part of the real world, and there - is - no - alternative. There’s no switch to turn it off. There’s no alternative to it’s existence. It IS! The real world is all we’ve got. There is literally nothing else. How can one possibly suggest it’s a delusion. That would be joke of the century.

Well, maybe there is a path through these brambles. At this point I’m just wanting to express the magnitude of the brambles.

I live under her spell. :(

Writing Dharma has been lovely and hellish. I can blab away about pie-in-the-sky bliss and Bodhicitta. But in reality, I’m dragging myself through a vacant lot littered with brambles, broken glass, puddles and rusty junk.

I have two reasons for writing. The first is to wake up from the dream of the real world. The second is to share that awakening. I have discovered that if one writes Dharma in order to wake up, the product shivers with that energy, and others can harvest it. If I write with any other motivation, it reads like cold leftovers.

Unfortunately, as I write, the Goddess Samsara rides on my back, like that 400 pound gorilla. She doesn’t give a crap about awakening or sharing. She demands that I write to achieve status, prestige, readers, appreciation, respect, etc.

I had hoped writing essays might save me from Samsara’s steel will. It turns out the essays only provide an arena where I must battle the Goddess. As I write I feel her will, blowing against me like a wind storm. In order to resist, I must restate my intentions over and over and over:

1. I am writing to awaken. Top priority!

2. I am writing to share and encourage Dharma. Next priority!

3. I am writing to receive appreciation and recognition from the community. Lowest priority.

The Goddess only cares about #3. She goads me with a stick to pursue #3, and then she beats me over the head if I refuse. I have to declare intensions #1 and #2 for every single damn paragraph, over and over. Each time, she hypnotizes me and it’s like trying to see through a drug-induced brain-fog.

In order to keep writing, I must become like a shadow. That’s the only way.

Conclusion

I have one more essay of obscurations to write before I get to the fun stuff. Stay tuned for ‘The Vampire Goddess’. It’s about when she happily feeds on Dharma blood.

Thanks for reading.