I feel like sh#t. I’m a crappy Dharma student. I was zipping along the Path And now I’m going nowhere. Everyone understands more than I do. I’m lifetimes away from Enlightenment. What’s the point?
There is a cure for my feelings of anguish. The culprit, is my pain-in-the-ass deluded mind. My pain-in-the-ass deluded mind (also known simply as ‘I’) is thinking about the Dharma, as if Dharma were Samsara. And it’s not. In other words, I am thinking about mysterious Buddha Nature, like it was a thing, to craved and grasped, in the real world. Nope!
(Confused? It’s actually easier to fix the anguish than to understand it.)
So how do I know if I’m making this crazy mistake? What are the signs that my Dharma Path is stuck in Samsara, and is blind to true Buddha Nature?
I am Wrestling with Things, like ‘me’, ‘the Path’, ‘Enlightenment’, ‘Lifetimes’ and ‘Dharma students’.
I am Judging: ”I’m a crappy Dharma student.”
I am Craving: ”I want progress! I want Enlightenment!”
I am Suffering: ”I feel like sh#t.”
Yep, my perspective is stuck in Samsara. And what is the cure? (Hint: not more thinking about THINGS.)
Concentrate on my feelings of anguish.
Remind myself that Dharma insights (which we all crave) arise from LESS. Less craving. Less grasping, Less attachment. Less me-ness.
Then picture my ego, my sense of self, shrinking and shrinking. I imagine it as a dot that can shrink and disappear.
In practice, the process only takes a few seconds.
I’m a Dharma dumbass. Ouch! Whoops, I’ve turned Buddha Nature into a Thing, to be craved, grasped and hoarded. Time to shrink, become less, give stuff up. And then the anguish flees like milkweed seeds in the wind.
I do this all the time. I’m always beating the holy hell out of myself when it feels like my practice is stagnating.
The question arises, why learn all this stuff and do all these practices, if all we want is to do is become less, to shrink into selflessness? Yes!